Renegade ・ 熱血硬派くにおくん
Developed by: Technos
Published by: Technos (JP), Taito (NA)
Released in: April 17th, 1987 (JP), January 1988 (NA)

To get you into the wicked awesome badass mindset Renegade for the NES demands from the player, I implore – nay, force you to read the plot summary from the manual:

Did you get all that? Details like your name and your life’s ambitions and questioning why you willingly dress like an extra from The Warriors doesn’t matter here. Hordes of greasers, bikers, more bikers, and ladies wearing pink dresses want you dead. You’re a goddamn killing machine, put on this Earth to teach these suspiciously Japanese looking delinquents one lesson: these streets are mean, and you’re the queen of mean.

Wait I mean king.

You are The Renegade, star of the beat ’em up spectacular Renegade. Your only reason for existing is to kick ass with your feet of fury and fists of also fury. Look at how cool this guy is. I wish I was him. Never mind that his portrait is approximately 28,847,393 times cooler than his in-game sprite. That isn’t important. What’s important is his insatiable hunger for the adrenaline rush brought on by getting beat up so hard you walk away from that fight with nothing more than newfound respect from your fellow street thugs, and also, a life-threatening concussion.

Please don’t fall asleep, Renegade. We can’t lose you.

The Renegade technically has a few tricks up his sleeve, but he really only has one. See, in this game, A and B change functionality depending on what direction you’re facing. A punches and B kicks backwards if you’re facing to the right, and then for mystifying reasons none of us could hope to comprehend, the buttons reverse when you’re facing left. This might sound annoying and finicky, and that’s because it is. But don’t worry, tough guy, because The Renegade has an ultimate power move that he can unleash at any time: the jump kick.

The jump kick is the easiest attack to pull off; just hit A and B at the same time, and watch your foot send these scumbags spiralling into the afterlife. There’s none of that wimpy directional stuff to worry about with this killer move, either. The jump kick will NEVER, EVER steer you wrong. Spamming it guarantees that anyone, regardless of skill level, can beat this entire game in like ten minutes. Big bosses and cronies alike crumple in front of its destructive power.

This might sound like a deeply unendearing game design choice, but listen. Don’t even worry about it.

That jump kick makes quick work of the game’s four levels. Or at least three of them. The final stage is this insufferable super cool maze where you have to kill everyone on screen, and then multiple doors will open up. Some of these doors will let you progress in the stage, but others will send you back to the very beginning, and you’ll have to kill those filler enemies all over again. No sweat for a wicked strong guy like The Renegade, natch, but it gets pretty tiring after the third time you get sent back to the start.

The only real challenge in this whole game – since you are an ultra manly badass who can crush everything in his path without even trying – is the final boss.

This guy right here is king of the chodes. Who is he and why are we trying to kill him? Well, rookie, your first mistake was questioning why The Renegade does anything. His whims are like the wind; destructive, yet aimless. Don’t think. Feel.

So anyway, this boss sucks because he pulls a gun on you. The Renegade is the roughinest and toughinest guy in town, but he is not made of stone. Even he cannot survive a bullet to the face. One hit from that gun and you’re instantly killed. Forget all about that big life bar you get, and how you can actually take a lot of abuse against normal enemies. It doesn’t even matter in the heat of COMBAT.

With enough grit, hot-blooded determination, and seventy jump kicks, you can kill this generic yakuza or loan shark or whatever he’s supposed to be and presumably save the day. Now enjoy the abrupt, hard cut to the game’s credits with no cutscene, or fanfare, or anything whatsoever. If this wasn’t the most hot-blooded game on the NES, this would be a contender for one of the lamest endings on the console. But real heroes don’t need fanfare.

Except you’re not a hero. I don’t even think you’re supposed to be a vigilante. You’re just a dude punching people.

So that’s Renegade. Forget about the aggravating control scheme, the piddly length, the way the maze level will make your blood pressure rise, and the gibbled sprites that’ve been shoddily edited from a Kunio-kun game. People who do not reach a certain badass quota need to recognize that this game is not for everyone. It might not be for anyone. Only dudes hardcore enough to tear the sleeves off of all of their shirts, then go outside bare chested anyways will find the true enjoyment in this title. Even if you think that applies to you, it probably doesn’t, so you best stay far away from Renegade if you know what’s good for you. Punk.

Final Rating:

FUCK YOU! JUMP KICK TO THE FACE! RAAAGGGHHHH!!!

(in all honesty this game isn’t very good, but it was so ridiculous that i ended up sorta liking it anyways…call it a guilty pleasure title.)