So they made a Where’s Waldo game for the NES.
For those of you who don’t know, Where’s Waldo (or Wally for my European sistren) is a series of children’s picture books. The series boasts insanely detailed artwork in which you’d try to find this dude wearing a striped shirt amidst chaos. I don’t know if kids still like Where’s Waldo in this day and age, but these strange little books kept children of yesteryear busy for hours, myself included.
Here’s a small portion of a page from a real Where’s Waldo book:
And here’s a screenshot of Where’s Waldo for the NES:
Need I say more? Can you spot Waldo in that 8-bit ant farm from hell? Yes, indeed, where in the actual fuck is Waldo? Apparently he’s right here:
Great.
Now obviously it’s unfair to compare a professionally illustrated book to an 8-bit machine’s graphical capabilities. But sweet merciful crap, can I really be blamed? As far as graphics go, the way the searching levels look easily ranks in the bottom 5 on the entire system. Maybe bottom 5 of all graphics ever committed to a cartridge, of any kind, for any reason.
The graphics between rounds are decent, which is good, because these cutscenes last longer than the actual levels do. Watch in awe as Waldo meanders around the screen, making his way to the next locale in the slowest and least straightforward way imaginable. No wonder nobody can find the guy. He takes several years to get where he’s supposed to be.
Speaking of gameplay, it’s…technically varied, but none of that variety is good. You get five levels where you have to find Waldo in the pixelated wreckage…
One level is a cave where you wait for Waldo to appear for a fraction of a second so you can “find” him in the dark…
Another one is this weird…train line thing? It has nothing to do with finding Waldo, and also, I don’t care.
And the final level is a slot machine; roll Waldo’s face, and a space ship will shoot that bobble head asshole straight to space.
Then he jumps up and down on the moon and you get thrown back to the title screen. That’s it. Game’s over, everyone go home. This whole thing clocks in at a paltry five minutes.
Great.
The only – and I mean THE ONLY – thing the game has over the books is that Waldo’s location is randomly generated every time you turn it on. That was always something I found hard to avoid about those books as a kid; once I knew where Waldo actually was, I could point him out pretty easily the next time I cracked it open.
The trade-off there, however, is that the books are so hyper-detailed that you could always find plenty of interesting little tidbits in the artwork to pore over once Waldo’s whereabouts were found.Where’s Waldo on the NES, on the other hand, will only keep you busy with its visuals because it is simply incomprehensible. You could tell me that the above screenshot is meant to depict a public culling, or a Gwar concert, or my first day at kindergarten, and I couldn’t refute that. For all I know, it could be all three of those things and so much more!!
Interestingly, this was an early work by Bethesda. Yeah, that Bethesda. These guys went from serving up flaming hot garbage like Where’s Waldo to crafting gaming experiences hailed as some of the greatest of all time in the Elder Scrolls and Fallout series, which just goes to show that you should never give up.
Great.
Where’s Waldo is quite the infamous NES game, often cited as one of the worst on the console. So you can imagine my shock and horror when I found out that they made a second one: The Great Waldo Search. The first Where’s Waldo game must have somehow managed to sell enough units to convince THQ to cobble together a new game in under a year. The economy sure ain’t what it used to be.
I’d never heard of The Great Waldo Search, so I had the vague hope that it would be better than its predecessor. And it is better. You can actually tell what the graphics are supposed to be thanks to the big increase in sprite size, and they’re kinda cute in a simple, cartoonish way. Hidden away in the pictures this time is Waldo, who always sticks out like a sore thumb against the backgrounds, as well as extra time, point items, and Waldo’s dog (who unlocks a minigame for more pointless points).
In addition to Waldo, because he is so easy to find this time around it’s not even funny, players are also tasked with finding a scroll hidden in each of the five levels. Since this item is much smaller and more discreet than the striped sweater wearing doofus, it almost feels like a game. But don’t get too excited – The Great Waldo Search is another one you’ll have wrapped up in 10 minutes or less. Speedruns for it clock in at under 30 seconds. Eesh.
To be completely fair to The Great Waldo Search, it’s obvious from the off that this is a game meant for very young children. The graphics are big and silly, and the game even has a “parents mode” – using a second controller, you can help your little one seek out the hidden items together. So for that alone, I don’t feel like I could be nearly as hateful towards it. But it’s still kinda bad. The music in particular is borderline disastrous, and easily the worst part by a mile. Unless you’ve got a young kid in the house who has a hankering to play some NES with you, there’s really no reason to ever pop The Great Waldo Search into your system. Even then, you should let that poor little ankle biter play Kirby or something instead.
So which Waldo game should you play?
Neither of them!! If you ever find yourself in a high pressure situation where terrorists break into your home and hold you at gunpoint in an attempt to force you to play one of the Where’s Waldo NES games, just take your lumps and accept death. We all gotta go sometime.
NESJunk 